My soul feels tired...

My soul feels tired lately. I am not sure why, maybe it is the winter blues setting in. I wish I could go do something, anything to break up the everyday shit. I really wish I had the money to go get a new tattoo, or pay my power bill for that matter. I am as broke as a tooth fairy in a house of meth addicts. Whats new? It was about three degrees today when Joe left for work. I am so sick of the cold, the bordom, I wish I could afford a hobby. I would like to learn how to make stuff with yarn. The loams I have seen at walmart are cool. You can make blankets and whatnot. I would like to scrap book too, but again, you need that green to do ANYTHING. Except blog about your crappy life I suppose lol!
I wish I knew if I was pregnant, that would give me something to look forward too.
Had a job interview today, have to wait and see if I get called back for another interview or not. It isn't a great job, but it is better than my empty hand right now!

Another day short of a dollar

Well, I think are going to make bills this week. Scraping by, by just the skin of our teeth. I have filled out so many job application, talked to so many people, made so many phone calls. Then to top it off, my phone is now shut off because I can't afford a phone card. So if someone calls my phone, I will have no way to get the message. I am lucky to have a wonderful best friend though, she is going to get me a phone card next week. (Phew) My girl and I had a good day though, we went to the park for a bit, till everyone and thier mother showed up. I miss talking to my best friend on the phone. I am just waiting for the silver to show through my cloud. I am tired of clouds. I have things to be thankful for though, like a patient landlord, and help from my friends.
Joe and I are crazy to want to have another kid right now, but I want one. I really do. Joe and I deserve to have something to look forward too. I think my daughter deserves to be a big sister. I don't know when it will happen, for all I know I could be pregnant already. It feels like it is taking forever for me to find out, but I haven't even had my implanon out for a month yet, no bleeding, nothing. But , the Dr told me I could get pregnant immediatly. So, lets play the waiting game!

Its Been A While

Well, here I am again, another year older, I am not sure about the wiser part though. Its been a rough year, and I feel battered and bruised inside and out. Joe and I's anniversary is in seven days. It will be five years that we have been married. Seems like an eternity and a split second all wrapped up into five years. I wouldn't trade it for anything though. My daughter will be three in april, and we are trying for another baby. Not that it feels like trying ;). Been having serious troubles in the job aspect of things. Money is really tight, and it feels like I am on a slowly sinking ship. But I know in my heart that things will get better. I am not patient for things to be better, I want it to happen NOW! I want to be knocked up, a million dollars richer, and 100 pounds lighter. I wanna live in a big fancy house on 80 acres, and have that money to just throw around. That would be the life. I need to find a job soon, or I am going to lose my mind. I have too much time at home to sit here and fantasize about things that I WANT. I have a good man, we have great sex, I have a good kid, I might be faced with bills up the ass, and all my utilities may be facing shut off, but at least we have eachother.
Joes ex has been trying to start her usual shit. Trying to get things started with Joe again, until we text her and told her that she needs to get it thru her fat head that he is never leaving me. I was working at walmart for a time and had the pleasure of working with her mother. Oh joy. I wasn't there 2 hours on my first day and the both of them were in there trying to get me in trouble. BTW she doesn't even work there, its just her mom. Joe got his child support raised to almost $300 per month. Which idk how they expect us to live on under a grand a month. She has three counts of welfare fraud, and she is still recieving full benefits and is living in subsidized housing. She hasn't had a job in over a year, and the only way they figure to fix her problems is to make my husband pay more for her to sit on her ass. AHHH the system, thanks for failing me yet again. The court also required him to put the kid on his insurance, don't get that either. The kid is on state, they just wanted to make him pay more for his premiums. She is lucky that Joe even pays. My best friend has a two year old son that doesn't get shit! His father is 6 months behind, but do you think the system is helping her? No, because she isn't lazy and works for what she wants. So, having the insurance card has given her "excuses" to text Joe. Then make up stories to tell people around me at work that he is leaving me and going to let her move in with him. I think she has a serious malfunction. She really got a reality check the other night though when we text her. I trust Joe, and I know she is full of shit, she just makes herself look like a jackass going around saying all this shit. But, what can you do. You can' fix stupid, and with that brand of stupid, I wouldn't even know where to start. 
So, I am going to go watch my movie, shave my legs, look for a job, clean my house, cook dinner, and sleep with my husband. Have a great night!